20051023

is love beautiful, or is it painful?

if you didnt mean what you said, why did you have to lead me on? if those feelings werent real, then why am i still feeling so sore? i believed you. maybe it was a mistake on my part. i should have known that those words that made my heart melt was all untrue.

but obviously now i know, the painful truth, that it was all just some words that meant nothing. nothing at all. if you didnt feel that way, why did you have to tell me, why did you have to lead me on? if you hadnt, i wouldnt be feeling how i feel all these weeks, hurt.

was is all my fault, or is the cause of it you? if you didnt feel for me, why did you have to keep me, to say those things to me, to plead and make my heart soften. why didnt you just let me go? because now its so clear to me that everything i thought you were arent true.

i feel anger, i feel hatred, i feel hurt, but yet those feelings wont go away. because now i know, that if i hadnt been so softhearted, i wouldnt be hurt by you, and so badly at that. im afraid, im scared, that because of my softheartedness, the whole thing will repeat all over again. it'll just cause me more harm and hurt. am i right?

so therefore, im going to just forget everything and i must get you out of my life, out of my memory FOREVER. i really wish i dont have to see you ever again (though i know i will no matter what), but yet how come when i dont get you see you i feel sad? my heart and mind is like, so contradicting. oh whatever. it's over anyway.

oh yeah, i was reading the mediator book 4 and i got so seriously engrossed in it. hahahha. i cried at one part. how silly of me. tsktsk. i think it was the part when suze realised that jesse was gone forever. (but of course not forever, she just thought so, but anyway) i mean, how would you feel if your love of your life was gone forever? hahaha. ohkay, except that jesse's a ghost. how unrealistic. but still, the book's nice and im going to finish it. =D im dying for the fifth book. GAH.

my theory exam's next week. im going to just die. my butt will hurt from sitting on the damned chair for three hours. oh yay (yeah right) and besides im gonna reach learning point super late (if i can make it anyway).

my bro's stoopiddd revision paper for MATHS sucks like shit. the two last questions suck la. and anyway, i solved the second last question when neither my MUM nor my bro could. hurrayy. that proves my maths isnt that bad. (i mean, not that im being ego, but please, my MUM couldnt solve it. sarah you know how smart my mum is supposed to be right. haha) so anyway, that question made me use all my brainpower (almost all la) so i couldnt think for the last question. whatever, i still hate maths. GAH. stoopid new principal of my primary school. mr lim rocks so much better. at least he doesnt put super hard maths questions in a revision paper right.

oops. i just realised this post is kinda long. ohkay whatever. im going to stop here.